Dutch American comedian Greg Shapiro on Dutch Health Care, in ACCESS Magazine, 2024
(as seen in The American Netherlander: 25 Years of Expat Tales, XPat Media Publishers)
TOLERANCE, PAIN, PARACETAMOL, AND OTHER MARVELS OF MODERN MEDICINE
The Netherlands has earned a reputation as the drug capital of Europe, with its famous tolerance of soft drugs. But if it’s really the Drug Capital, then you’d assume you could get drugs from the Dutch health care system… which is virtually impossible. When it comes to medicine, Dutch culture celebrates its pain tolerance.
My family in America will check in on me now and then, making sure I’m safe: “Is there decent health care? Do they have doctors over there? ” And I tell them: “Seeing a doctor here is not a problem! …The problem is getting the doctor to DO anything.”
Most countries have doctors swear an oath: some version of the Hippocratic oath. In Nederland, there seems to be a different oath: “As much as possible, I will tell my patients ‘Why don’t you go home and get some rest?’”
It is not uncommon to begin and end your doctor visit like this:
“I have a head cold.”
“Why don’t you go get some rest?”
“I have a chest cold.”
“Why don’t you go get some rest?”
“My arm was bitten off by a squid.”
“…Okay, I’ll give you a paracetamol.”
No Antibiotics please, we’re Dutch
To this day, I have never managed to get myself antibiotics from a Dutch doctor. Although, we came close with my daughter, when she was three years old. She had an ear infection. Our doctor told us, “I could prescribe antibiotics, but there is a worldwide crisis of Antibiotic-Resistant Microbes, and we all must do our part to use less. So – why don’t you go home and get some rest?”
We decided to try alternative medicine – the homeopathic doctor. He started out with another typical Dutch doctor phrase: “What do you think is the problem?” Like it’s a medicine quiz.
The doctor quickly determined the root of the problem: an outer ear infection on her right side and an inner ear infection on the left side. We were given two prescriptions. For chamomile oil and zuurdruppels. We thought this might be a mistake… But no, the woman explained that the oil was for the outer ear infection and the ‘sour drops’ were for the inner ear. At home, we wrestled our poor child into position and administered the chamomile oil first. In with the cotton ball. And then the flip over and the sour, vinegar drops into the other ear.
It was then that it occurred to my wife: “We’re mixing oil and vinegar in our daughter’s head.” And she wasn’t getting healthier very quickly. … But when she sneezed, the salad dressing tasted great.
Greg Shapiro BIO
Greg Shapiro is a Comedian, American and Dutchman. He is known as the voice of the ‘Netherlands Second’ video – and as one of the originals at Boom Chicago theater in Amsterdam. He has hosted ‘Comedy Central News’ on ComedyCentralNL, and he has written books such as How to Be Dutch: the Quiz and his latest The American Netherlander: 25 Years of Expat Tales.
Buy Greg’s Book:
https://hollandbooks.nl/product/the-american-netherlander
Read ACCESS Magazine:
https://access-nl.org/access-magazine/archive/