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Funding ‘United States of Europe’… by selling my soul for corporate events

Date: Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Category: Blog, News

Funding my TV show …by selling my soul for corporate events – but they’re not all bad. 

You may have noticed I’ve been recording outside the studio lately. That’s because, I’ve been busy funding the ‘United States of Europe.’ And by that I mean selling my soul for corporate events.

As luck would have it, not all corporate events are evil and bad. For example, last week there was ‘Fake You Very Much.,’ an anti-Trump event – which was meant to be a fundraiser for the ACLU. BUT since Trump took office their donations have gone up like 4000%. They put on their website – don’t give us your money. If you want to donate there are so many other good causes. One of them was SheDecides – the Dutch initiative to counteract the Trump gag rule on international providers of female healthcare. And my favorite thing about volunteering for a fundraising event is that when some chicky-babe in a red jacket asks ‘do you want to donate to the Salvation Army,’ I can say ‘First, would you like to donate to my charity event?’ And they leave me alone.

Along the way I did a show for The Next Web – the biggest tech conference in Europe – where Trump called in for a speech on internet security, and basically just kept giving away top secret intelligence, ‘including the latest malware from the NSA. It was developed in a certain Middle Eastern country I’m not allowed to mention by name, but let’s just say they’re Jews.’

Next I spoke at a conference called ‘Feeding the Future’ by Dutch animal feed company Nutreco. Their challenge is How to feed an entire planet when there are 9.7 billion people who want – more and more – to eat like Americans? ‘Nice to eat you.’ If only there could be more vegetarians! Well, in a way, there can.
Did you know – for every 1 kilo of salmon on your plate – it takes 5kg of raw fish to feed them? That is, unless you can use a protein supplement derived from plants. SO – bad news, we can’t force all of humanity to go vegetarian. But good news salmon are going vegan. One of the requirements of being vegan is to let the world know ‘Um, by the way, I’m vegan.’ And since fish can’t talk, that became my job.

Meanwhile, there’s also a global health risk from  factory farming. Turns out too much red meat is bad for you, or at least it can cause you to vote for Donald Trump. Then there’s the carbon footprint – or since we’re talking about methane from cows it’s a more like a fart-print.
AND the hidden danger is: the omnipresence of antibiotics. And AMR: Antibiotic resistant microbes. Even if you’re vegan, you can’t avoid them, because the antibiotics leak into our water supply. Luckily, the Dutch are forming a global movement to reduce and replace antibiotics in animal feed. And if you’ve spent any time living here, of course it’s the Dutch who hate antibiotics. Anyone who’s been to a Dutch doctor will tell you

And finally – Speaking Locally – there’s a huge eyesore in Amsterdam: the power station at the edge of town. There are only 6 coal-burning power plants left in the Netherlands, and the biggest one is right in the eyeline of a number of otherwise picturesque streets. Of course, Amsterdam needed the power station to generate power – until now. Local utility Nuon is considering taking the power plant offline. And now there’s a citizen’s movement to BUY the power plant and turn it into a park, an amusement park, or my favorite option: a chocolate factory. This being Amsterdam that could mean a number of things. Either a gay industrialized techno dance club, or an actual chocolate factory.
There’s a crowdfunding site where they’ve already hit 85% of their goal.

I’ll hope to be back in the studio soon.