Happy Independence Day, America! To be truly independent, you need a divorce. Specifically, the BLUE States should now be independent from the RED states. You know how America loves a sequel? Welcome to ‘Civil War part 2: South, FU!’
I mean, congrats to the Red States and your Supreme Court – one day ruling ‘Free to Carry,’ the next day ruling ‘Forced to Carry.’ In your America guns how have more rights than women.
And for anyone wondering “WHY are Republicans so anti-abortion?” It’s because they want those unplanned pregnancies to go through – so they can have more kids to shoot at in schools.
And where are the Democrats? Joe Biden has really been putting the ‘Depends’ in Independence Day. I’d say the Democrats are ‘rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic,’ but it feels more like they’re the string quartet fiddling while the ship goes down.
And credit to The South. After they filed for divorce and the North said NO, The South has been playing the LONG GAME: making life so miserable for the Blue states that now the North is like “Yeah, divorce sounds good.”
Of course we’ll need two new country names. But for now the ones to beat are from the good old meme: ‘United States of Canada’ and ‘Jesus Land.’
…
On a serious note, please excuse the USA’s Supreme Court Death Cult currently setting fire to humanity. We hope to soon be reversing this error, like when Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Accord and now we pretend like that shit never happened.
Come see the show:
‘240 Years Down the Drain: from George Washington to Donald Trump’ with Pep Rosenfeld and Greg Shapiro. Premiering at Boom Chicago for the BCCF Boom Chicago Comedy Festival – Monday, 11 July 2022. 7:30pm.
For tickets:
WATCH:
In theater school, one of the coolest things to do was ‘site-specific’ theater. The least cool thing to do was corporate entertainment. BUT – as I quickly realized – 90% of corporate shows are ‘site-specific.’ I’ve done shows on location at offices, pop-up performances in historic buildings, and even a standup set in the business class section of a KLM 747 to Chicago.
So when I was asked to talk about my ‘weirdest gigs ever’ for the ELEKTRA Podcast, I said YES. The interview was in Dutch, with plenty of English thrown in. I talked about performing for a Dutch bachelorette party in the mid-90’s, when they chanted something to me during the show. It was months later when I realized “Broek uit! Broek uit! Broek uit, op je rug!” meant “Pants off! Pants off! Pants off, on your back!” Yes, Dutch women are very direct.
Example: Weirdest Gig Ever
Here’s an excerpt of my book THE AMERICAN NETHERLANDER: 25 Years of Expat Tales.
I was hired with Boom Chicago to do a Christmas show for a major fashion label. Apparently, there were rumors that their Dutch office might be closing, and everyone’s jobs were at risk. Luckily, the rumors were not true! At the show, the boss was going to give the good news, and then introduce us to help celebrate.
One day later, the organizing committee had changed their minds: Since we were Americans, the boss would introduce us as upper management from the New York office. Then we’d address the bad rumors, and the boss would reveal: it’s a joke! And then he would give the good news. Weird, but okay!
Then – on the day of the show – the idea had changed again. The boss did introduce us as upper management from New York. But then he lied to his entire staff and said, “You’re all being laid off.” Next, he laughed and left the stage. We had to cut in and say, “It’s a joke! We’re hired comedians.” And then we had to do a comedy show.
Dear reader, if you can think of a worse way to start a comedy show, please insert that image here. (For example, he could have yelled, “Fire!” Or he could have actually lit the theater on fire.) The result? The audience hated us. But the boss seemed genuinely happy.
Comedian Greg Shapiro Discusses Weirdest Gigs Ever
For more of my weirdest gigs ever, check out Wouter Monden and The Elektra Podast (in Dutch):
https://www.elektrapodcast.nl/gast/greg-shapiro/
Thanks, Covid! After the 2020 Lockdown canceled Christmas, CitizenM hotel group had to reinvent their annual Christmas party as a TV show in January. Thus ‘CitizenM TV’ was born – with me as the host. It went so well that I was invited back to host the live Christmas party in 2021. But would we be able to have a live Christmas party…?
NO! The latest Covid lockdown kicked in on 18 December, and canceled everything. Which is EXACTLY what CitizenM had predicted when they decided to make CitizenM TV Episode 2. Again, with me as host.
I must admit: when I’d hosted the first CitizenM TV, I’d never stayed at a CitizenM hotel before. I’d been to meetings at the Amsterdam Zuid location, just because it’s a cool place to meet. For Episode 2, I did my homework. I got to do an overnight ‘staycation’ at the Amsterdam Amstel location. And since then I understand their motto ‘affordable luxury.’ More than that, they recognized me from the TV show, and they treated me like one of the family.
The concept for Episode 2 was to show me warming up before the show – IN a CitizenM hotel room. Hence – WARNING: CONTAINS SOME MALE NUDITY. Episode 2 was again produced by Dutch media company GRNDPA. And this time they gave me more to do: I got to interact with CitizenM office staff, dressed as ninjas. And I got to play a mustachioed gym coach (inspired by Ted Lasso’s alter ego Led Tasso). That’s why you can see me yelling at CitizenM employees like Boyan.
Again, I got to chat with founder Rattan Chadha and CEO Klaas van Lookeren, and I noticed that yes they felt even more relaxed and on-message than in Episode 1.
Looking forward to seeing a live Christmas event this year… But if it ends up being CitizenM TV Episode 3, I won’t complain.
Comedian Greg Shapiro hosts CitizenM TV, Episode 2 (Dec. 2021). Produced by GRNDPA, NL.
Comedians Pep Rosenfeld and Greg Shapiro present their 12th duo show, premiering at the Boom Chicago Comedy Festival July 7-17. Come raise a glass to the end of American democracy!
After their critically acclaimed shows ‘Trump Up the Volume’ and ‘Lock Him Up,’ Rosenfeld & Shapiro team up for a new political comedy show: ’240 YEARS DOWN THE DRAIN – from George Washington to Donald Trump.’ Because George Washington was the first president of the United States, and – come 2024 – Donald Trump might be the last.
Trump will be like: “I wanted a DO-OVER for the 2020 election. Now that I’ve won the do-over, NO MORE DO-OVERS! President for LIFE.” George Washington is known for saying “I cannot tell a lie.” Trump is known for saying “I cannot tell a lie… from the truth.”
Perhaps the best thing George Washington did for American democracy is to willingly depart after two terms as president. It’s hard to imagine Donald Trump doing that. It’s also hard to imagine Joe Biden departing after two terms – only because there’s no way he’ll live that long.
Rosenfeld & Shapiro will use their traditional mix of standup and improv to celebrate American dysfunction. You will see a debate between Washington and Trump. You will see Inner-City Americans realize they’re not that different from rural MAGA Americans. And you will see the QAnon Proud Boys unveil their latest conspiracy theory.
Click here to see the full line-up for the BOOM CHICAGO COMEDY FESTIVAL. And our show on 11 July.
https://boomchicago.nl/boom-chicago-comedy-festival/
‘240 YEARS DOWN THE DRAIN – from George Washington to Donald Trump’ can be seen at the Boom Chicago Comedy Festival on 11 July at 19:30. Yes, it’s a Monday, but that won’t matter since you’re probably already gone on vacation.
…and if you can’t make it on 11 July, don’t worry! We’ve got a feeling 240 YEARS DOWN THE DRAIN will be back on a recurring basis starting this fall.
What if Climate News could be fun?
These days most people hear the term Climate and get ready for dread. And for good reason.
But the truth is there’s a sustainability boom happening, with lots of clean energy innovations that are genuinely exciting.
…Also, there’s a lot of bullshit sustainability that’s a lot more like ‘greenwashing.’ How to tell the difference?
Introducing a new weekly video series. ‘CNC: Climate News Comedy.’
Anything it takes to make climate news funny.
I’m committing myself to a weekly video of 6 jokes in 60 seconds.
And I’ll post the links as well, to share the good news.
Greg Shapiro. Putting the GS in SDG’s.
‘G7 countries to Stop Funding Fossil Fuel Development Overseas’
…From now on they’ll only get fossil fuels from UNDER seas.
‘HUNDREDS OF US CITIES COMPOSTING FOOD WASTE TO CUT TONS OF EMISSIONS.’
…Considering that you could feed that compost to an anaerobic digester and heat your home with it – this headline is kind of like celebrating a touchdown at the 50 yard line.
‘California Erects Solar Panels Over Canal to Save Huge Supply of Water From Evaporation.’
…The project is scheduled to start 20 years ago, when it might have made a difference.
‘Man Creates Environmental Charity with €200m Lottery Win.’
… Isn’t that great? All we need to survive on this planet is depend on winning the lottery.
‘Dutch Zoo Works with Delft start-up Reefy to Restore Coral Reefs.’
…The start-up ‘Reefy’ is not to be confused with the Dutch stereotype ‘reefer,’ although they are hoping to create some ‘reefy madness.’
‘SEAGRASS – THE PLANT THAT REMOVES CARBON 30 TIMES FASTER THAN A RAINFOREST.’
…Should be grown right next to the Reefy Madness.
Also, I’ll put a monthly compilation on YouTube. Here’s the first one: May, 2022.
We were both experts in corporate speaking, specifically comedic corporate speaking. Yet we came to our positions from completely different routes. I was a comedian / corporate speaker, and he was an academic / court jester.
1) Comedian / Corporate Speaker. Me, I started out at theater school, and I quickly transitioned to improv comedy. I came to the Netherlands to work with the Boom Chicago comedy theater in the booming 1990s – when every Dutch business became an e-business, and every Dutch office transitioned to English. Hence, Boom Chicago was quickly called upon to perform comedy for business events. Many, many business events: for Philips; Heineken; KLM; Shell; Unilever. All the biggies.
According to most comedians, corporate entertainment is the worst. “Vanilla jokes for boring events, just to get a paycheck.” But I quickly realized it can be the opportunity to ‘speak truth to power.’ We comedians can make jokes about the boss that the employees can’t. It doesn’t have to be ‘vanilla jokes.’ It can be more like a roast. Closer to the comedy speech at the White House Press Correspondents Dinner: you make jokes about the president to their face. Or, as I put it at Boom Chicago years ago: “We make fun of your boss in front of your boss, and the one who has to pay for the whole thing is your boss.”
2) Academic / Court Jester. I met Juri Hoedemakers at a networking event for Speakers Academy in Rotterdam. Juri was the man who had done his PhD on the role of the jester in the modern ‘court’ known as ‘Upper Management.’ Sounds familiar! It turns out we had come to the same place from different directions.
Juri had just written his book Gezocht: Hofnar. Reflective voor Leiders en Leidinggevenden.
Of course he did this all in Dutch (at Erasmus University). And now he’s speaking for corporate events about the importance of reflection for business leaders. According to his research, every leader has a blind spot, which is to take oneself too seriously. Leaders need jesters to help their message connect with their teams.
Juri was of course a fan of the Trump voice I did for the ‘Netherlands Second’ video on Zondag Met Lubach. So I did a quick voice recording to promote his book.
And here it is. [Video created by Jeroen Smolders]
My third book THE AMERICAN NETHERLANDER: 25 Years of Expat Tales came out in 2020.
And now that the lockdown is over, I’m getting serious about an audiobook. In the meantime, you can hear me doing a reading of my Origin Story in the Netherlands – in the link below.
From Chapter One: ‘Amsterdam Day One.’
The question was: “Would you be willing to give up your acting career in Manhattan to do comedy in Amsterdam for a start-up theater called Boom Chicago?” Since I was living on tips and paying rent via credit card, the answer was an immediate YES. When you’ve tried being broke in New Amsterdam, you might as well try being broke in Old Amsterdam.
In 1994, my idea of Amsterdam was the one shared by most Americans, I suppose: Rembrandt, Van Gogh, Anne Frank – and then sex & drugs and downhill from there. In America, if we hear about the Netherlands at all, it’s that Dutch people are all drug-doing, drug-dealing, baby- killing, grandpa-murdering, left-handed pedophiles. Once I got here, I realized it’s not true! According to most Dutch people: “That’s Belgium.”
Before leaving Schiphol Airport, I took care of my To-Do List of Now- Anachronistic technology. I went to a place called the GWK Currency Exchange to trade my US Dollars into a totally made-up currency called Guilders. Even at the time, Guilders seemed whimsically antiquated. One of the coins they gave me said ‘2-and-a-half.’ I supposed it was from back in the days when people counted on their two-and-a-half fingers. I also bought a public transport pass called a ‘strip card,’ since access to Dutch trams somehow involved ‘stripping.’ The alternative was ‘Riding Black’ – which to me sounded like a stripper name. And lastly, I procured a phone card for making phone calls at these things called ‘public phone booths.’ These triangular, glass enclosures were also known as ‘phone boxes,’ or – in Dutch – pissoirs.
WANT TO READ MORE?
HollandBooks.nl
OR
Listen to me reading from my book here on the ARTS TALK RADIO podcast:
Greg Shapiro Working with with Dylan Haegens and – Roy Donders?
5 May 2022
It was an early call for a video shoot in Brabant, at the home of a famous Dutch celebrity. Based in Tilburg.
Whose kitchen features a Senseo coffee machine…
…and a leopard print kettle and toaster.
Can you guess who it is yet?
Yes, it’s Roy Donders.
I was hired for a commercial shoot to work with Haegens Media.
As in Dylan Haegens, the biggest Dutch YouTuber ever. I thought “What a compliment! He knows me from my YouTube channel.” It turns out: he had not heard about my YouTube channel. But he knew me from my onscreen work as ‘an American in a suit.’ And that was my role: the American manager of a new app called Club Vegas. In a suit.
Roy Donders is known as a singer and stylist, and he has a reality show on Dutch TV with his mom. The two of them are very cute.
In the opening scene, I pitch the app to Roy and his mom. And the reason I liked this concept is that it’s not a straight-up commercial spot. Rather, it’s a behind-the-scenes ‘Making of’ story for a commercial spot. Clever. Well done, Dylan.
The app itself is NOT a gambling app. I made sure of that. It’s a gambling-themed app. And it is free. Okay yes, it has in-app purchases. But since the target audience is women aged 30-50, I think it’s ‘fair game.’
I made sure to give Roy Donders a copy of my book, and he’s going to give it to his Dutch-American friend. I also gave a copy to Dylan himself – the gifting video is coming soon.
Oh, and Roy Donders is known for his love of worstenbroodjes, ie Dutch sausage pastries. This is a reputation he says he is now trying to live down. But it’s not working. The wrap party photo features the entire cast and crew seated on an enormous worstenbroodje.
It was great to work with Haegens Media – and with the green screen studio Key-ative. We’re already teaming up to work on more. Stay tuned…
Many people know me as the voice of Trump in the ‘Netherlands Second’ video – which is great. But it’s also making me lose jobs.
So for everyone who has labeled me as ‘too comedic’ (business event), or ‘too crude’ (corporate video), here is an updated DEMO: ‘Greg Shapiro: Commercial and Character Voiceovers.’
Please note: ‘Commercial’ FIRST. ‘Character’ SECOND.
The Menu:
– ‘WILD’ nature film. (Dutch Voiceover: Andre van Duijn. English Voiceover: Greg Shapiro.)
– SHELL ‘New Energy Challenge’ Radio & TV, Netherlands.
– RABOBANK ‘Growing a Better World Together’ Radio & internet, Netherlands.
– CHICKEN TONIGHT ‘The Terry Stinger Show’ Radio & TV, Netherlands.
– THEATER CARRé ‘Pippin / Broadway aan de Amstel’ series. Radio & TV, Netherlands.
– MEDIA MARKT ‘ePro TV’ Internal.
– DE WERELD DRAAIT DOOR. ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light (Baseball Announcer).’ TV, Netherlands.
– ZONDAG MET LUBACH. ‘Netherlands Second’ video. TV Netherlands + Internet.
That’s all the time I had for the demo. But so you know, I’ve also done the following Voiceovers:
– FRIESLAND MARKETING. ‘Fascinating Friesland,’ Internet.
– ALLIANZ DIRECT. (Dutch Voiceover: Jeroen van Koningsbrugge. English Voiceover: Greg Shapiro.)
– TELE2. Frank the Sheep. Internet.
– SANYO. Explainer video, ULT freezers. Internal.
– RANDSTAD. 50th Anniversary Podcast Host. Internal.
– WAKA WAKA Power. Host / Voiceover. Internet.
– THE QUICKEST QUIZ. Quiz App. Host / Voiceover. GooglePlay / App Store.
– CITIZEN M. Annual General Mtg. Host / Voiceover. Internal Livestream.
– PRINGLES. ‘Spanish Salsa.’ Radio, NL.
– COCA COLA. ‘Happiness Factory.’ Internal.
And last but not least. One of the first voiceover jobs I got in the Netherlands was back in 1994 for Gatorade. It was a tagline: “Gatorade. Because water just ain’t wet enough.” I gave it my most over-the-top, American DJ delivery. It was for a Dutch radio commercial, and it got a lot of airtime.
In 1999, I was getting ready to get married to a Dutch woman – when I mentioned I had done that Gatorade voiceover. She recoiled in horror: “That was YOU?” The marriage was almost called off.