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Why Obama Deserves to Lose

Date: Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Category: News

My colleague Pep Rosenfeld will hate me for saying this.

Barack Obama is losing this campaign. As a candidate, Obama was doing pretty well. But his performance at the first debate was a disaster. He started out apologizing to his wife for working during their 20-year anniversary, and he never recovered. As an indication of his popularity since the first debate, Michelle is still not having sex with him.

The good news for Obama is that Michelle may be more popular right now than Barack, giving the President a bounce in the polls. Michelle is the ‘Bounce Queen.’ Even though – with those biceps – she looks kind of like a drag queen.

Obama was so bad in the 1st debate that it doesn’t matter he won the 2nd & 3rd debate. It doesn’t matter that in the 2nd debate Romney puked all over himself (see: Libya). It doesn’t matter that in the 3rd debate Romney was as bad as Obama in the 1st debate. And it doesn’t matter that Romney keeps flip-flopping like a frog on fire.

Somehow Mitt Romney managed to dodge the infamous ‘47%’ quote. Romney shook up his Etch-a-Sketch, and now he’s a bipartisan moderate. Mitt Romney: for a man who doesn’t believe in evolution, his campaign evolves into something different every week. And – hurricane or not – Romney has the momentum.

The good news for Obama is: Obama never performs better than when he’s losing. After months of delay, the President has finally released his ‘Plan for Jobs.’ Mr. President, this homework was due 3.5 years ago. At least now we know: if you vote for Obama in November, we can expect to have jobs sometime in 2015.


Shapiro is vooral bekend voor zijn rol als nieuwslezer in Comedy Central News, een satirisch nieuwsprogramma. Verder gaf hij commentaar op BNR. Hij is nu bezig met zijn wekelijkse programma ‘United States of Shapiro’ op VARA HumorTV.