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June 23, 2021 In Blog, Uncategorized

Greg Shapiro: NPO Radio1 Comedy News Correspondent

Greg Shapiro: NPO Radio1 Comedy News Correspondent

First came the US elections in November 2020. Then came Trump claiming the entire election was fake – and leaving the White House anyway. Next up came the Dutch national elections in March, 2021. De Tweede Kamer Verkiezingen. And my friends at Dutch NPO Radio1 asked me to do a CNN-style report from the polling stations in the Netherlands. In Dutch! Ik zei JA.

First, I reported that there was no evidence of long lines, no people of color being forced to wait hours before they could come near a voting booth. And there were no claims of voter fraud – except for one very thin-skinned politician named Thierry. But it turns out that all you have to do is look Thierry in the face and call him a racist, and then he runs away out of the studio. Just ask Martijn Koning. (Radio 1 cut that part.)

The only irregularity in the voting for the Dutch Tweede Kamer was a certain fellow named Hugo, who tried to vote – without a valid passport! And he happens to have been the Health Minister. (Well, technically the deposed Health Minister.) He apologized for his mistake, and he drove back home to get his proper ID – only to find out he also had an expired driving license. After Finally, he returned with his passport. His vaccine passport. For his dog.
He would have been able to do all of this online, but it seems his Corona app was again not working properly. And again, the health minister’s name? Hugo. Hugo de ‘Sjonge Jonge Jonge.’

More CNN news from the Netherlands, as it breaks!
CNN Breaking News! Proving that news in the US is broken.

[Anytime Radio1 needs American-style reporting – in het Nederlands – I will be there.] [Sometimes I call in for a live chat. But this time I made a recording from my home studio.]

June 15, 2021 In Blog

Greg Shapiro, the Dutch DudeWithSign

If you’ve spent any time on Instagram in the year 2020, you’re probably aware of the American Seth Phillips – aka ‘Dude with Sign.’ I’ve been inspired by his work. And – as an artist – that’s my way of saying I’m stealing his idea.
In March 2021, I did a series of ‘Dutch Dude with Sign’ poses to encourage the Dutch English-speaking community to get more involved with the Dutch elections. But now I’m picking up where I left off – nu helemaal in het Nederlands.

Reduce Cardboard Use. He said, in front of a mountain of overflowing cardboard. (foto: Jonathan Groubert)

Nieuw van Ikea: Kabinet ‘Rüttevir’ (geen garantie). Komt er ooit een nieuwe kabinet? Wordt het Rutte IV? Geen garantie. En zo ja, dan zelfs geen garantie dat die 4 jaar duurt. (foto: Imre Shapiro)

Geïnspireerd door graffiti op mijn vuilnis container: “BEN JIJ EEN SLAAF?” “Nou, ben jij een WAPPIE?” (foto: Imre Shapiro)

Formatie Proces: 0%.
Disinformatie Proces: 100%
(foto: Imre Shapiro)

Vaccines used to hurt more when Bill Gates injected a whole floppy disc.
(thank you Shlibber for the inspiration.)
(foto: Inez de Goede)

June 8, 2021 In Blog

ACCESS MAGAZINE REVIEWS GREG SHAPIRO’S THIRD BOOK

ACCESS MAGAZINE REVIEWS GREG SHAPIRO’S THE AMERICAN NETHERLANDER: 25 YEARS OF EXPAT TALES

HOW DUTCH ARE YOU?
by Giulia Quaresima
(ACCESS magazine, April 2021)

Greg Shapiro’s The American Netherlander, with its sense of humour and sharp eye for detail, is a good starting point to understanding life as an international in the Netherlands. The author is an American comedian, a member of comedy group Boom Chicago, presenter of Comedy Central News, and author of two books now collected together in The American Netherlander: 25 Years of Expat Tales.
This book tells the story of Shapiro’s personal cultural adventure and assimilation in the Netherlands, from when he first arrived 25 years ago and stayed for love. It is not a scientific guide, but a manual to understand and familiarise yourself with the country, using the author’s personal anecdotes for a subjective and hilarious point of view.
Shapiro tackles Dutch common sense, a pragmatic approach to problem solving, openness and tolerance, multiculturalism, politics, education, and even customer service. While his personal experiences really bring out the humour and irony, he also shows understanding. For instance, the renowned ‘Dutch directness’ is really brutal honesty that isn’t intended to hurt feelings.
Shapiro uses paradoxes and oxymorons in Dutch culture: How can Dutch identity be so independent-minded, yet also so obsessed with consensus? How can Dutch identity be so liberal and open, yet also so Calvinistic and conformist? How can Dutch identity be so proud, but then be so quiet about it? “Dutch police won’t stop you for having an un-helmeted ba by strapped to the front of your bike, like a human shield. In fact, Dutch police won’t stop you if there is a kid on the handlebars, one on the crossbar, two on the back rack, and another one standing on top of those for a playdate. But if they’d been riding at night without a light? That’s a fine of €50.”
The second part of the book is a Dutch assimilation test, a collection of all the questions that should be included in the inburgering exams. According to Shapiro, these reveal more than the exam ever intended.
Give it a try and see how Dutch you are!

June 7, 2021 In Blog

Greg Shapiro Masterclass: CULTURE SHOCK THERAPY

“Hi! My name is Greg Shapiro, or you can call me Gregory. Or – in Dutch – ‘Krek.’ That’s my name in Dutch: Krek Tja-piero.’ Prime example of Culture Shock: When you move to a different country and realize ‘Wow – I’ve been pronouncing my name wrong my whole life.'”
There are plenty examples of Culture Shock in the Netherlands. Like having a Dutchman introduce himself and say “Hello, my name is Freek. I am Freek, and this is my colleague Tjerk.” But if you can keep a sense of humor about it, you experience Culture Shock THERAPY: when you realize that cultural differences can be hilarious.

“I am a bit of both: a bit LOUD AMERICAN and a bit ‘Doe Normaal‘ Nederlander. And yes I am tweetaliggggg. But I don’t like to speak Dutch, because it makes my mouth feel sad. What is it about Dutch people and their Harde G? It makes you sound like angry, choking zombie people. Like that TV show The Walking Dead. Or – since it’s the Netherlands – it’s more like The BIKING Dead.”
And here’s another example of Culture Shock Therapy. As soon as I started learning Dutch, I realized “Oh, you don’t need to yell the whole time.”

“Other cultures might say things like ‘Wow, you look good! Have you lost weight?’ Dutch people will say ‘Wow, you used to be so fat!'”
Dutch people are known for being DIRECT. Which is an indirect way of saying RUDE. If Americans have a reputation for being politely indirect, and the British have a reputation for being politely indecipherable, Dutch people pride themselves on being brutally honest – sometimes at the expense of politeness, or tact, or respect for human dignity. But at least you know where you stand. And HOW you stand – which is much shorter, once their comments cut you off at the knees.

Greg Shapiro (Zondag Met Lubach, Boom Chicago, Comedy Central) is The American Netherlander. He has performed his masterclass in Dutch Culture Shock Therapy for heads of state, the King of the Netherlands and once for the Business Class section of a KLM 747 to Chicago.

May 27, 2021 In Blog

Greg Shapiro on ‘Weet Ik Veel’ with ‘How to Be Orange’

Last fall, I got a call from the Dutch quiz show Weet Ik Veel. They wanted to use a clip from the ‘How to Be Orange’ standup special I made for VARA in 2013. The episode aired in 2021.
Beau van Erven Dorens was there, talking about Dutch terms that don’t translate well into English.
And that’s when they played my video.
We start off with a company called HILARIUS ASPHALT.
Then there’s a health drink that’s pronounced AIDS.
There’s the product (or service?) called BABY DUMP.
And the revenge of the dumped baby, which is a Nutricia ad featuring the phrase MAMA DIE! DIE! DIE!

But the moment they really wanted on Weet Ik Veel was the shampoo for removing tangles in your hair. It’s called ANTI-KLIT.
Watch and enjoy what I call ‘CULTURE SHOCK THERAPY.’

May 25, 2021 In Blog

I May Have Just Saved You from a €95 Fine

I May Have Just Saved You from a €95 Fine!

Lockdown cardboard is overflowing on the streets of Amsterdam! Ever wonder what would happen if an entire city would start working from home, ordering everything online and then dumping their used cardboard boxes all at once? Welcome to Pandemic 2021.
In Amsterdam, the annual Garbage Collection fee went up by a huge amount this year. But the pace of garbage collection hasn’t noticeably increased. One thing that HAS increased is the Handhaving / BOA’s and civil servants who give out cash penalties to anyone caught leaving their garbage / recycling outside the underground garbage containers. Never mind that they’re often choked up and overfull! The sign says ‘IF this container is full, it is your responsibility to continue on to the next available one.’
I had one neighbor tell me she went to recycle her cardboard, and she ended up going to 5 different containers before she gave up and put her stuff right next to a container. The next day, she realized she had left her address on one of the pieces of cardboard. How did she realize? Because she had uniformed police at her door to give her a €95 euro fine.

GARBAGE LIBERATOR
I have a paper recycling container across from my house. While it frequently seems full, often it’s simply jammed. If only I could get the key to that side panel… And then one of my neighbors told me – you can get that key by adopting a garbage container. SO I did it! In January, 2021. I got the key to open the side panel and clear the paper jam, just like a good old copier machine at the office.
Last weekend, there was even an article in Het Parool about the amount of people who are adopting containers. Like me! But now I’ve realized something extra: my key also works on any number of underground containers in my neighborhood. SO when I’m out walking my dog, and we see a paper recycling container that seems to be overflowing… I can check to see if it’s just jammed. In the case of this video, yes it was only jammed. SO I unblocked the jam, I tossed in the excess cardboard, and I saved any number of people from getting a €95 penalty. Including Chygall White, the physical trainer, who ordered from Bol.com. SO now Chygall and I are connected on Linkedin. And maybe next time she’s ordering a book online, she can order mine.
WATCH:

May 19, 2021 In Blog

Q&A: Why EU Vaccine Strategy Is Not as Bad as You Think

On my YouTube channel, I have a long-running show called ‘United States of Europe’ – Making fun of the EU the American way. So of course, I had to make fun of the EU’s comically slow Covid vaccination rates, as compared to the US and the UK. BUT along the way, I realized – it’s not that simple. In fact, in many ways EU vaccination policy is not as bad as you’d think.

In the video, I started with:
“The World Health Organization (WHO) has criticized the rollout of coronavirus vaccines in Europe as being ‘unacceptably slow.’ I’m in the Netherlands and as of April, even my friend who works in health care can’t ‘get a jab.’
I know the Dutch are famous for the ‘Netherlands Second’ video. But now it’s more like ‘we know it’s going to be the rest of the EU first, but can we just say NL 27th?’

When it comes to vaccinations, you have to think of the German poet Heinrich Heine who said: ‘When the end of the world comes make your way to Holland. There everything happens fifty years late.'”

…SO that was where I would normally end the video. BUT this time I decided go a bit deeper.

One of the people who appreciated my video was Trendwatcher Vincent Everts. Vincent is a longtime friend of Boom Chicago, (and he hosts a weekly online show with America expert Charles Groenhuijsen). Vincent noticed that my EU vaccine video was a lot longer than usual. Because there was a lot more to cover! So we did a deep dive interview. Well, it wasn’t supposed to be such a deep dive, because it was on a Saturday morning. And he totally missed his slot on the tennis court.

For more regular updates on The United States of Europe, check http://youtube.com/gregshapiro .

May 14, 2021 In Blog

Greg Shapiro Hosts 1st-Ever CitizenM TV Show

Greg Shapiro Hosts First-Ever CitizenM TV Show

Typical 2021: “Will the Covid lockdown end in time for our AGM Annual General Meeting?” In the case of CitizenM Hotels, nope. Every year, these guys have an off-site event for their whole, global team: Someplace exotic; someplace inspiring; something to keep them going for the rest of the year. But in 2021, it was time to face the ugly truth: they were going to have to livestream it.

Luckily, CitizenM HQ hired Dutch production company GRNDPA to make the livestream something special. And they hired me to host the ‘First-Ever CitizenM TV Show.’ Luckily, I have some history with the CitizenM folks. I was at one of their 2018 off-sites, to perform my ‘Dutch Culture Shock Therapy’ masterclass. It was a good show! I liked these guys.

PRO-TIP: Your Livestream doesn’t need to be Live! We had 3 days of production, with plenty of time for me to meet the C-level execs and reassure everyone. We pre-recorded the transitions, and I spoke in the voiceovers. The priority on-set was to keep the vibe of a normal offsite event, as much as possible. And yes, the top management were way too dry in the first take. But with a couple of retakes – and me more actively engaging them – the managers managed to loosen up and feel like they were talking to their team, in person.

I really appreciated hearing it back in the comments, like “You made us feel comfortable Greg, it was a joy. Many thanks!”

Was everyone nervous? Of course. But not me. Which is why I also appreciated hearing “Your years of experience shine through, seeing how smooth it went.”

HOW DID IT GO? See for yourself:

BACKSTORY
Do you know CitizenM? It’s a Dutch start-up, launched in 2008 with the slogan ‘Affordable luxury for the people.’ They were most notable for the things they didn’t provide, like bellhops. They provided automated check-in, so you could skip the check-in chat and just go straight to your room. They basically designed their dream hotel, based on the years they’d spent traveling for fashion brand Mexx. And by ‘they,’ I mean Mr. Rattan Cheddha and family. I’d performed for them at corporate events with Boom Chicago for years.

[In fact, I think it was 1997 when Seth Meyers and I performed a birthday show at the Cheddhas’ house. That was the time we did an improv scene, where Seth had to guess the word ‘Mallorca’ – a place he had not heard of, at that point. Have you ever seen an improv guessing game performed so brilliantly that you wonder if it’s all pre-planned? Well, this was one of those times we proved conclusively it was definitely improvised. To this day, Seth will still grind his teeth anytime someone brings up the Mediterranean Island of Mallorca.]

April 22, 2021 In Blog

Greg Shapiro on NPO Op 1: How to Imitate Biden

Greg Shapiro on NPO Op 1: How to Imitate Biden
Broadcast date: 4 November, 2020
Hosts: Charles Groenhuijsen, Carrie ten Napel.
Language: Dutch (and ‘Bad Dutch’)

SO I was asked to appear on a Dutch talk show. In Part One I was asked to comment – as Trump – on the results of Election 2020. In Part Two, Carrie asked me if I could do a Joe Biden imitation. I told her “I’m working on it.” (in Dutch)

At that point, Joe Biden was best known as Vice President – and wacky sidekick – to Barack Obama. Biden was known as ‘Uncle Joe.’ Well, by now Biden is ‘Grandpa Joe.’ Can he stay awake for an entire speech? Stay tuned! Or more to the point: are his eyes still good? Can he see the TelePrompter clearly?

Since we were in a TV studio, where the hosts were reading their intro’s from the TelePrompter / AutoCue, I took the opportunity to ask them how big do they like their text on the screen? I’ve hosted a TV show before. I know how the size of your text can determine the entire pace and flow of your delivery. If the text is too small, you have to squint your eyes. If the text is too big, you have to speak. your. sentence. word. for. word. You stumble through your phrasing. Or – in the case of Joe Biden – it’s like you stutter. Poor Joe is pushing 80 years old. It’s a miracle he doesn’t need glasses. But I guarantee his text needs to be gigantic in the TelePrompter. Sometimes, he can even got tripped up over words with too many syllables.

Earlier in the episode, the hosts played a clip from Biden. It was meant to be inspirational. But he clearly tripped over the text.
Biden: “So let me be clear. I / we are campaigning as a Democrats.”

So that’s part one of how to do a Joe Biden imitation: BE the smartest guy in the room, but SOUND like George W. Bush.

April 19, 2021 In Blog

The Book Gifting Challenge: What’s the First Thing to Make You Laugh

The Book Gifting Challenge: What’s the First Thing to Make You Laugh?

For a book presentation during a pandemic, I had to be creative. Under normal circumstances, I’d get my publisher to help organize an event, with a book reading by me – and fabulous celebrities! Well, now everyone is in Lockdown. So I thought: “Oh, well. I’ll have to approach the fabulous celebrities one on one. With social distancing!”
And I came up with a hook: I’ll interview the Dutch celebrities and ask them “What is the first thing in the book that makes you laugh out loud?” Right away, with America expert Laila Frank, I did not get the result I was expecting. In fact, it kind of backfired. Making it all the more hilarious!
Got 60 seconds? Watch the video:

The Book Presentation Challenge for THE AMERICAN NETHERLANDER: 25 Years of Expat Tales.