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GREEN CRED MAKES DUTCH RED IN THE FACE – my final column for HELLO ZUIDAS

GREEN CRED MAKES DUTCH RED IN THE FACE

For Greg’s final column in Hello Zuidas, he wrote an entire new book. The following is an excerpt from Shapiro’s third book THE AMERICAN NETHERLANDER: 25 Years of Expat Tales, available internationally.

When you’re living under sea level, perhaps the term sustainability takes on extra meaning. There are so many Dutch achievements in the area of duurzaamheid that you’d expect Dutch folks to show more national pride. And yet – when it comes to national pride – the Netherlands has been described as ‘the least chauvinistic country in Europe.’ Maybe that’s partly why the ‘Netherlands Second’ video was such a hit here. Dutch mentality is like: “We don’t need to be first. …But we are definitely better than the rest.”

In essence, the Dutch don’t like to brag – so I’ll do it for them.

Internationally, yes the Dutch are quietly known for their masterful water engineering. But you don’t see the Delta Works on Dutch t-shirts. You don’t see the term Afsluitdijk on bumper stickers. And what about the Maeslantkering? These gates that protect the Port of Rotterdam are an engineering marvel, each gate as large as the Eiffel Tower. But – unlike the Eiffel Tower – you don’t see them on keychains, coffee mugs or refrigerator magnets. As far as tourists are concerned, Dutch culture is summed up by the national symbol of the cannabis leaf. Meaning, by default, the most popular form of Dutch water engineering is ‘the bong.’

A Dutch friend of mine was working at a consultancy in the US. He told me the story of how Dutch engineering firm Royal Haskoning was asked to help the US Army Corps of Engineers to prevent hurricane damage to the US coastline. Which was a Big Deal. But reportedly the Dutch management refused to issue a press release, because that would be bragging, aka opscheppen. And in Nederland, if you are ever caught opscheppen, then Zwarte Piet kidnaps you in a sack and takes you to Spain, 

Sustainable investing might not be terribly sexy to most people, but apparently it’s sexy in Zuidas. According to iAmsterdam: In 2020, a number of Dutch investment firms topped the ShareAction global sustainability rankings. And the Global Green Finance Index named Amsterdam Zuidas as one of world’s best green finance centres. Nederland, take more credit! 

I once spoke at the launch of a book of infographics on the SDG Sustainable Development Goals. It was an impressive achievement and an impressive stage. But – one after another – the speakers chose to stand just outside the spotlight. I literally had to step in and nudge the director of the project into the light so the photographer could get a proper shot of him. Next time I’ll just tell him, “It costs a lot of energy to shine that light. The sustainable choice would be to stand in it.”

Nederland, you may spend your lives digging channels in the ground, but you don’t have to act like Mole People. 

 

Gregory Shapiro (b.1968) is the author of THE AMERICAN NETHERLANDER: 25 Years of Expat Tales and the voice of Trump on ‘Zondag Met Lubach.’ In 2020 he celebrates 25 years as corporate speaker and host. And his mini-show ‘How NOT to Zoom’ is now available for a 5-minute guest appearance in your next videoconference. www.gregshapiro.nl


Thank you to Davien Fotografie for the profile pic!

HAPPY SINTERKLAAS! NL: ‘DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!’

The following is an excerpt from Shapiro’s third book THE AMERICAN NETHERLANDER: 25 Years of Expat Tales, available internationally.

HAPPY SINTERKLAAS! NL: ‘DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!’

Dutch culture is famous for its pragmatic solutions to thorny social problems. …And then there’s Zwarte Piet. The Black Pete debate has created something like a ‘Dutch culture war.’ And I’m neutral! As for me, I must say I respect the historical significance of Zwarte Piet. I respect the Dutch historical through-line known as ‘Don’t tell me what to do!’ The ‘Don’t tell me what to do’ mentality goes all the way back to the Spanish Revolution. (And the ‘Don’t tell me what to do’ mentality is still on display in many Dutch restaurants.)

In 2013, the UN’s Verene Shepherd referred to the tradition of Zwarte Piet as ‘colonial.’ Her solution? She demanded that the Netherlands drop the entire Sinterklaas tradition, in favor of Christmas – a demand which is by definition ‘colonial.’ The Dutch backlash to Shepherd’s statement was intense! It was a perfect example of Dutch ‘Don’t tell me what to do!’ Veren Shepherd may as well have said, “From now on, you all have to be Catholic.”

2020 Is Different
But then in 2020, Prime Minister Rutte told parliament: “I have met many people with dark skin, who said they feel discriminated against because Zwarte Piet is Black. And that is the last thing that we want during the Sinterklaas celebrations.” Apparently, #BlackLivesMatter protests really do work. Before 2020, Mark Rutte’s attitude was: “I thought we exported all our racism to America when we sold them the slaves.”

I realize there are still Dutch people who find this topic to be upsetting. As Zwarte Piet fans continue to point out, the original Sinterklaas was not even Dutch. Saint Nicholas came from Myra in Turkey. And if Sinterklaas’ boat is supposed to come from Spain, then the dark-skinned Spaniards aboard are Moors, as in ‘from Morocco.’ So – however you feel about Zwarte Piet – don’t forget that the biggest holiday of the Dutch calendar is actually being run by a Turkish guy and a bunch of Moroccans.

Gregory Shapiro (b.1968) is a comedian, author and corporate speaker with 20 years of experience. He is currently touring the Netherlands with his solo show Leaving Trumpland, in which he says goodbye to the Trump voice he has done since the ‘Netherlands Second video’ from Zondag Met Lubach.

The American Netherlander – Click here for more

Greg Shapiro on Zondag Met Lubach with 'Trump Message to Biden' Video

Greg Shapiro on Zondag Met Lubach with ‘Trump Message to Biden’ Video

Greg Shapiro on Zondag Met Lubach with ‘Trump Message to Biden’ Video

13 November, 2020

Greg Shapiro (voice of the ‘Netherlands Second’ video, 2017) teams up again with the weekly Zondag Met Lubach show.

In 2017, the Dutch version of John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight scored a worldwide viral hit with a video about Donald Trump’s Inauguration Speech “America First.” That video became known as the ‘Netherlands Second’ video (see below). Now that Donald Trump’s presidency is coming to a close, the Dutch show Zondag Met Lubach creates another video, again using the voice of Dutch American comedian Greg Shapiro.

This time, it’s Donald Trump giving a spiteful White House tour to Joe Biden. As Trump refuses to concede the 2020 US election or admit defeat, he roams the corridors of the White House showing all the rooms Joe Biden will ‘never’ get to call home. Of course, we now know that Trump indeed left the White House. And the Biden Administration is still trying to clean up the mess.

The text for this video was written by Arjen Lubach and his team at Zondag Met Lubach. Video by Zondag Met Lubach & Human Factor. Produced by Janine Abbring. Audio recorded by Arjen Lubach. He’s the real deal.

Greg Shapiro on Zondag Met Lubach with ‘Trump Message to Biden’ Video

The Netherlands Second video

The video from 2017 was originally called “The Netherlands Welcomes President Trump in His Own Terms.” But it has become known as “The Netherlands Second” video. The video has at least 29 million views on YouTube, and many millions more on other platforms such as Facebook & its subsidiaries.

After the Dutch video went viral, the German comedian Jan Boehmermann made a copycat video “Germany Second,” and that opened the floodgates for many more countries to make their own copycat videos. One of the funniest was “Iran Second.” Worth looking up.
EVERY SECOND COUNTS video parodies
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Every_Second_Counts_(video_parodies)

For more Greg Shapiro Voiceover work:

https://gregshapiro.nl/greg-shapiro-actor-voiceover/

For more Greg Shapiro political comedy: 

Greg Shapiro’s ‘LEAVING TRUMPLAND’ (2020)

Greg Shapiro Debuts His Third Book THE AMERICAN NETHERLANDER: 25 Years of Expat Tales

RELEASE DATE: 16 NOVEMBER, 2020

The American Netherlander: 25 Years of Expat Tales
By Greg Shapiro

 

In 1994, author Greg Shapiro came to the Netherlands. The idea was to spend a while doing comedy for a start-up theater called Boom Chicago, but he stayed for love. That was the start of a cultural adventure, with incidents and elements that anyone who spends some time in the Netherlands is bound to recognize. Covering topics that range from places he lived in – and what each of these places taught him about the Dutch – to the social issues such as Zwarte Piet, Dutch meetings, trying to make sense in Dutch, and Bike Etiquette, The American Netherlander is just too much fun to put down.

Try to picture some the scenes he recreates, such as the births of his children and his introduction to the ‘mother cookie’ and ‘shame hair’, or having to answer his doctor’s questions regarding what he thinks is the matter and how to treat it. Not to mention convincing a service team – “When service and team appear in the same sentence, it usually means trouble” – to install a washing machine. Written with a wry sense of humor and an eye for detail and the ludicrous, he manages to paint a picture of a nation that is part cartoon, part realism. At each turn of the page, you find yourself both laughing about and appreciating the Dutch.

 

And then, once you have seen the Dutch through Greg Shapiro’s eyes, you are treated to that very special aspect of deciding to live in the country; the Dutch Assimilation Test – one that the Dutch themselves score notoriously badly on. “Every question tells a story,” Shapiro explains, proceeding to explain what characteristically Dutch assumptions lie at the basis of these questions and why they want you to give a particular answer. Under the title, “The Questions That Should Be on the Actual Quiz,” readers are treated to what Shapiro feels would be a more useful and certainly entertaining way of familiarizing yourself with Dutch culture – and traveling the road towards assimilation.

 

The American Netherlander is accompanied by entertaining cartoons by illustrator Floor de Goede and photographs by the author.

Available through bookshops, www.hollandbooks.nl and Amazon

Price: €19.90
Paperback
216 illustrated pages
16.5 x 22 cm

Text: English
ISBN:
978 94 6319 226 2

Published by Scriptum XPat Publishers

 

If you wish to receive a review copy, please send your request to Bert van Essen: vanessen@xpat.nl

For more information, interviews with the author, and high-resolution images contact:
Bert van Essen – e-mail: vanessen@xpat.nl – tel.: +31 (0)70 306 33 10/+31 (0)6 50 234 125

For more information about the author: https://gregshapiro.nl/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gregshapirocomedian

Greg Shapiro on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/gregshapiro

 

Theater review Leaving Trumpland ArtsTalk Magazine

Theater Review Leaving Trumpland

THEATER REVIEW: Leaving Trumpland

‘A Very Sharp and Dangerous Edge’
ArtsTalk Magazine, 14 October 2020

 

by Michael Hasted
Every serious comedian – I mean the ones with something relevant to say, not those that are not funny – must rub their hands with glee when someone like Donald J. Trump appears on the world stage. Love ‘em or loath ‘em, they are both larger-than-life characters. And they provide unlimited grist to the comedians’ mill.

Greg Shapiro is an American comedian who’s been in Amsterdam and fully assimilated into the Dutch way of life for over 25 years. But like any ex-pat, the ties that bind can never be fully severed. And you can feel his pain and anger at his homeland being brought to its knees by a president who is impossible to respect. And easy to despise and deride. Shapiro has his own personal axe to grind. His stepfather was killed by Covid 19 due, Shapiro believes, to the unwillingness or ineptitude of the Trump administration in taking the pandemic seriously.

Touring During Covid

Shapiro has dined out, professionally, on Trump for more than four years. He’s provided the President’s voice in various venues and scenarios and lampooning him in his numerous stand-up routines. But now it’s only a short time before, hopefully, Trump is ousted. Shapiro is shedding the voice and the jokes. And hopefully, along with the rest of the world, he’s moving on to pastures new. So he and all of us, with any luck, will be leaving Trumpland.

This tour is, perhaps optimistically, a pre-celebration of Trump’s demise. But it has been slightly compromised by the CoronaVirus restrictions. A thirty strong audience in a small club can be intimate and cosy; in a five-hundred-seater theatre where everyone is spread all over the room, it can seem the opposite. Nevertheless, Shapiro is a seasoned pro and he ain’t gonna let a little thing like that throw him.

A Very Sharp and Dangerous Edge

Despite having spent half his life in The Netherlands and having a Dutch family, Shapiro is still unmistakably American. He is almost of the old school, almost a stereotypical American. With his smart suit, Brooks Brothers shirt, neat hair and smooth delivery, one could almost imagine him as a 1950s crooner in a previous incarnation. But despite that, there is a very sharp and dangerous edge to the man. There’s an edge that cuts deep into Dutch and American politics and society, revealing the flaws and eccentricities as well as the myriad things that should be celebrated in both cultures. He has a unique viewpoint from where he can gaze on both sides, subjectively and objectively, all at the same time.

In Leaving Trumpland, Shapiro’s American family no longer asks, “When are you coming home?”, but “Can’t I come with you to the Netherlands?” Shapiro says he has never been so proud to be half-Dutch and that, looking at the current state of the USA, he finally understands the true meaning of gloating.

If you don’t know Greg Shapiro, I would highly recommend you buy yourself a ticket for this current tour. Discover a comedian who is not only very funny but one who applies his unique situation to provide telling insights into life on both side of, as they say, the big pond. It is no longer a case of God Bless America but one of God Help America. And us all, come to that.

http://artstalkmagazine.nl/greg-shapiro-presents-leaving-trumpland-on-tour/

 

Theater review Leaving Trumpland ArtsTalk Magazine

 

MORE GREG SHAPIRO THEATER AND BOOK REVIEWS : 
https://gregshapiro.nl/media/theater-reviews-for-greg-shapiros-latest-shows/

 

Greg Shapiro presents HOW NOT TO ZOOM

Greg Shapiro presents HOW NOT TO ZOOM
A Video Conference Mini-Show

A couple weeks ago, I got a phone call: “Could you do 10 minutes of comedy for our weekly video conference, about video conferencing?” I said YES. And it was such a hit, I’ve now developed a 10-minute package I call HOW NOT TO ZOOM. 

HOW NOT TO ZOOM 60-second teaser

Lockdown life, 2020. Working from home means video conferencing. And – despite the tutorials – many of us are slow to adapt. Time for a new training strategy?
Comedian Greg Shapiro presents HOW NOT TO ZOOM. Kick-off your next online meeting with 5 – 10 minutes of “Sharing WORST Practice.”

Whether you use Zoom, Skype, WebEx or Teams – Shapiro’s interactive presentation will parody the Seven Deadly Sins of video conferencing. Including: Awful lighting, Unflattering angles, Embarrassing backgrounds AND Yelling at your kids when you think you’re on mute.

Do yourself a favor and start your next video conference with a guaranteed icebreaker. More than that, it’s an effective teaching method: sometimes the best example of How-to is How-NOT-to.

Stay safe, keep laughing.
For bookings please contact my other half at inezdegoede@gmail.com.

 

https://youtu.be/iIoKuh6giKM

Greg Shapiro on Zondag Met Lubach with ‘Zoom Meeting’ Video

GREG SHAPIRO & ARJEN LUBACH TEAM UP AGAIN for ZOOM MEETING VIDEO

It was a Thursday in 2017 when I got the call from Janine Abbring, producer of Zondag Met Lubach for Dutch broadcaster VPRO. Donald Trump was about to be sworn in as President of the United States. Did I want to use my Trump voice for a little video they were making? That video became known as The Netherlands Second video. And it did pretty well.

Now, in 2020 – during a Corona pandemic and lockdown – I got another call: “Can you do your Trump voice again?”

Watch the video: Zoom Meeting with World Leaders

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhELeau4ukM&t=100s

It was the beginning of April, and Boris Johnson had just uploaded a screenshot of himself on a Zoom call – with his Zoom ID displayed. Enter Arjen Lubach, demonstrating how easy it is to hack your way into a Zoom meeting.

The script featured Arjen ‘Zoom bombing’ Boris Johnson while he was in a Zoom Meeting with world leaders, such as Donald Trump. They sent the script, I did a demo of the Trump lines, and I got a green light. But then I got another call: could I also do a Boris Johnson voice? I gave my standard answer: British accents should be voiced by the British.

But could I at least do a Boris Johnson test as a guide track? Sure. I studied Boris and realized his speaking style sounds like if William Shatner’s Captain Kirk had gone to school at Eton. So I gave it a try and sent it over. They loved it. For the purposes of this video, it would apparently be good enough.

Could I also do Vladimir Putin? Yes, actually. And Jair Bolsonaro? And 3 more world leaders? Yes. So I ended up doing the voices for all 7 world leaders on this Zoom call. And – to my own surprise – it’s pretty good.


Introducing the New Business Casual

Introducing the New Business Casual: a Lockdown Zoom Call
From HELLO ZUIDAS magazine,
4 May

Well, it’s been about 6 weeks of working from home, with obvious downsides – but I want to take a moment to focus on some of the unexpected benefits we’ve discovered. With so much teleconferencing, we’ve all experienced a crash course in: Problem-solving; Outside-the-Box thinking; Communication Improvement…
(Wait, can everyone hear me? I can’t hear you. Raise your hand if you can hear me! Colleen, you’re backlit. Can you… okay, there’s your middle finger. Good.)

In many ways, our entire organization will never be the same again. The way we define productivity has evolved…
(Okay, can someone do something about the dog barking in the background? It’s very distracting. It’s frankly unprofessional. …And I see now it’s my dog. SORRY!) (Wow, these noise-canceling headphones are really good.)

WORKING FROM HOME
Working from home, I’ve realized how much of our time in the office has been taken up by non-essential meetings. Meetings where I’m trying to quietly answer emails on the side and multi-task.

(No, Timmy – the hypotenuse is not 25, it’s the square root of 25. Don’t blame me, blame Pythagorus. Yes Timmy, fine, the Greeks are stupid.)
Sorry Alexis, that was not directed at you!

We’ve all realized how much productivity has been lost from long commutes, every day. Our carbon footprint is now so much lower. And yes, our awareness of cyber security has received some much-needed attention.
(Okay, who is drawing male genitalia on my screen? Are we being Zoom-bombed again? Is there any name in this conference we don’t recognize? ‘Yuri,’ I’m looking at you…)

In closing, we’ve grown as a team. We’ve expanded our consciousness. And I hope you realize I am never again wearing trousers to work.

Gregory Shapiro (b.1968) is the author of How to be Dutch: The Quiz and the voice of Trump on ‘Zondag Met Lubach.’ In 2020 he celebrates 25 years as corporate speaker and coach. And he’s now available for online interactive comedy and interactive coaching. www.gregshapiro.nl


Did I Get Infected by a Dutch Comedy Show in Brabant?

Did I Get Infected by a Dutch Comedy Show? In Brabant? 

I was part of the problem. I was part of Team #DontPanic. Now I’m on Team #StaytheFHome.

On Saturday, 7 March I was hosting a Dutch comedy show in Tilburg (epicenter of the Dutch Corona virus outbreak). In retrospect, I might have been infected with the Corona Virus and COVID19.

That morning, I knew it was a risky move. But I decided to take a risk – because my gigs were already disappearing. I even took public transport to get there. On the way to the show, Dutch health officials advised people in the province of Brabant to stay home, to avoid being infected. But it was a sold-out crowd! They were willing to get infected by the comedy show.

We made fun of the crowd for ignoring the warning. We imitated the drunken Brabanters going to ski in Italy, then celebrating Carnaval & spreading COVID19. The guy in the front row was so proud of his Party Cred I dubbed him “Patient Zero.”

And yes, I posed for a selfie with him after the show.

But in retrospect, it was a stupid risk.

SO – Did I Get Infected?
Luckily for me, I still have no symptoms, and I don’t seem to have been infected. As of this writing, it was 11 days ago.

In retrospect, the show should have been canceled. At the time, I was trying to mitigate the damage: “yes go out, but do it safely.”
Then I saw the data about #flattenthecurve. And I’m convinced: t
he shortest way through this is full lockdown.

Yes, it’s selfish for young & healthy people to keep going out, since it’s dangerous for older & at-risk people. But ALSO it’s in your OWN interest: There’s no avoiding a total shutdown at this point. But keep it limited. Look at that graph of Philadelphia vs. St. Louis during the 1918 Spanish Flu.

Right now, China is like St Louis. USA is like Philadelphia, and they’ll be feeling the effects for months. Possibly all the way until Election Day…

Minister Wiebes, You’re Right: I DID Choose for This.

Minister Wiebes, you’re right.
As a freelancer, I DID kind of choose for downturns like this. But it was worth it! Because the highs were so high!

Wiebes, you know that high-priced consultant in the Audi, taking your space in the parking lot? That was… actually a partner at KPMG on full salary. But you THOUGHT it was me! A freelancer! And that makes it worthwhile.

Team Wiebes, you must have been jealous while you were at your 9-5 job – and I was sitting at home with nothing to do. …Nothing but desperately checking LinkedIn, creating free content online – putting the free in freelance – to tempt people to hire me, and hustling – constantly hustling – looking for work. Remember the stress and constant disappointment of being “in between jobs?” Applying for jobs, being rejected for jobs? That’s what I do every damn day. Yes, this is the LIFE!

Wiebes, I know you’re VVD – the Pro-Business party. So when you see us freelancers NOT claiming annual vacation pay from businesses, NOT demanding permanent contracts from businesses, making it effectively easier for businesses to hire and fire people – you must be jealous.

Now that we’re on Lockdown, schools are closed and people are working from home. This morning at 9am, I saw plenty of folks out walking their dogs. At 9am! Well Wiebes, I was underemployed walking my dog during weekday office hours BEFORE it was cool.

“Dutch Economic Affairs Minister on Freelancers Hit by Corona Shutdown: ‘You Chose for This…'”

https://www.nu.nl/coronavirus/6037648/wiebes-over-zzpers-en-gevolgen-coronavirus-zelf-bewust-risico-genomen.html